apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
