i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
hell yes lets make some ravioli
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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