I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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