when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
