Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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