am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
