Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
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