:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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