allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
as a side note pls kill me
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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