i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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