this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
