I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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