Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
