I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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