i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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