Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
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He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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