I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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