do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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