its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
No stitches, just platelets and will power
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
