That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
