And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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