I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
