He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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