Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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