There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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