but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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