I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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