nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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