i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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