Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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