i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
