if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
