I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
