How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
