i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
