if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
