I think I died a long time ago.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
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