the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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