Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You left your phone here
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