I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
