Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
