My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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