Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
