I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
