omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I wish you could order shots online.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
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The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
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Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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