The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
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We are two peas in an std pod
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize