We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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