It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Randomize
