you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize