You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
