I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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