Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
