Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
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Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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