Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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