ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just found a bag of teeth...
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
