Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
