did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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