Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
