We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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